Hate myself!

I'm really tired of studies!

I'm really useless and helpless!

How come I couldn't be smarter abit?

How come during every lecture I can't get what the lecturer said even thou I have paid FULL attention?

How come I always forgotten what I've just studied a few moments ago??

How come I'm always feeling sleepy from the moment I start to do my revision?

How come I couldn't study for more than at least one hour a day??

How come my brain is always stuck when there comes the calculation part??

How come every time I wanted to study but I always procrastinate endlessly..??

How come I've become so lazy since this sem??

Aiyo really hate myself..!!

I know it is really stupid and useless to blame myself here but not doing anything

but I just couldn't help myself..!!??!!

How can I expect others to help me??!!

God also won't help me d..

JANE ah JANE!! PLS STOP UR HOLIDAY MOOD AND START STUDY NOW OK!

this is the final year and I cant joking anymore!

Mid terms coming soon and my brain is totally blank!

I'm really freak out d la..!!

Haiyo..what happened to me?!

Who can save me out?! Haizz haizz haizz..

K la..I really need to stop this and get my butt off to start my study!

If not I'm gonna die in this semester! =.=

Ipoh

Woke up at 7.45 early in the morning

Supposed to meet Flora they all at 8am

but last night slept at almost 5am so I couldn't wake up earlier

After bath and tidy up quickly rush to meet them at the dim sum restaurant

I was late n by the time I reach everyone was there already ^^"

We ate some dim sum as our breakfast.

but it doesn't really taste nice as before..

and surprisingly it is quite expensive..@.@

After finish our breakfast we head to Ipoh

Me, Shee Ying, Siew Choo, Alice and Flora in a car

Shi Mun, Guo Cheng and his sister a car

We went to Jusco and watch a movie

Knight and Day...its really nice!!!

I love it!! I still love Tom Cruise although he is abit old now

He is cool in the movie..!

And Cameron Diaz is funny..I like her since after I watch Charlie's Angel many years ago..

Everyone enjoyed the movie =)

After movie we shopped around and I have bought some stuff ^^

After shopping its most 4pm and everyone was so hungry as we skipped our lunch

Then we went to somewhere (I don't know where) which is just nearby Jusco to have our meals

Unfortunately the Korean BBQ buffet operates at 5.30pm

Since everyone wants to eat buffet, so we just wait until 5.30

We spots some boutique shops along the street..

I wonder why when girls see boutique shops they will get excited..(especially me..lol)

So we went in the shops one by one while waiting for dinner

Finally I bought a pants and a bag..with only RM50...cheap rite ;-P

After visit most of the shops we head back to that restaurant and finally we get to fill up our empty stomach

I like this restaurant because we can steamboat and BBQ with many choices of Korean food

The environment is nice as well..service is good and everything is so fine

Besides we could get 10% discount =D

We started to eat from 5.30 until 8 sumthing

Everyone was so full..

But I realized that they dun really eat much and I feel that I eat more than them..curious!

I thought guy can eat more..?? but in fact he drinks a lot..hahaha

thats y their stomach is full with water but not food..lol

Although we didn't really eat much...but we did enjoy our dinner

Around 8.30 we went back to Kampar with a bloated stomach, tiring but happy mood...

I've spent almost RM150 today..

But it is worth more than what I've spent for because I get a lot of fun and happiness with my friends

Indeed I had a great day with my friends today =)

失眠

最近一直失眠

很难入睡。。好不容易睡了又很容易醒

也许是太多的烦恼缠着我

才会有这种症状吧

最近的确好多事情烦哦

功课。。学业。。友情。。甚至爱情

我发觉当我越是想要达到一样东西，我就越会觉得烦

好像功课方面，我尝试很认真去做，但我还是不会做

学业呢，我尝试很努力去读，可是最后成绩还达不到我的理想

在友情方面，我尝试去维护它们，最后却被我搞砸了

至于爱情呢。。我拥有一个很疼我的男朋友

我也觉得自己很幸福。。

可是很可笑吧。。这还有什么好烦的？

虽然说爱情是甜蜜的

不过有时爱太深也是一种苦

我发现我越来越爱他了。。可以说是爱到无法自拔

所以我对任何大小事情都变得很敏感，很在意

原因是因为我害怕失去。。

这样不仅让他觉得很压力，有时我也觉得很痛苦

我多么希望我可以控制或压抑自己

人家说感情要经历很多的风风雨雨，要过很多难关才会坚固持久

我很努力的尝试去成为他的理想情人

当然我必须经历很多难关才能达到目的

可是我真的不懂我能不能到达这个目标的一天

我很怕我会失败。。我很怕我们任何一个人会半途放弃

我不是对他没有信心，而是对自己真的没有自信

不过无论如何，我还是会继续改进自己

因为我希望我会是能够永远带给他幸福快乐的理想情人

Who can help me?

Another week started...

Now is already the 4th week of this semester

Wow..I really can't believe the time passes so fast!

The past sem break is just like few days ago..

Sigh..its already one month over...

but I'm still in the holiday mood

Wake up JANE!!!

I seriously have to start with my studies!

Today's lecture was so blur..

I totally don't understand what was the Mickey Mouse lecturer talking

I hate this feeling

The worst thing is this chapter isn't in the text book

how am I going to study?

Where should I refer??

This semester is going to be very tough!

OD lecturer Shanti is good, but the TGV tutor really dissapointing!

MA both lecturer and tutor is ok...but I don't know what the whole thing is going on

FSA is the worst! Our lecturer and tutor is the same.

but we can't depend on her at all

I'm suspecting whether she has enough qualified to be a lecturer..@.@

Well..I shouldn't complain so much..

In fact, we really cannot depend much on the lecturers or tutors since we are already a degree holder

But I really don't know how to study without a clear guidance..

Fine...let me stop crapping about my problems..

This evening I joined my classmates to Grand Kampar Hotel for steamboat.

We were actually celebrating for Xing Hui cause tomorrow is her birthday

*Happy birthday to Xing Hui*

After the steamboat we went to her house to give her a surprise.

I really enjoy the moments with them

and thanks to Flora fetch me home after the celebration

Back to my homework T.T

I've been reading the FSA tutorial questions for many times.

and I seriously have no idea how to do the questions!

How how how how how????

Is not I don't want to do..is I really don't know how to do

hopefully tomorrow the tutor won't call up my name

If not I need to do a summary for the whole chapter-.-

Sigh...this makes me want to start complain the lecturer again

ok fine..if I were to complain I think few pages also cannot finish.

Talking about complain..yeah..I seriously want to complain about the Internet line

What happen to the line??

Is it my computer wireless problem? or the modem problem?? or the Streamyx problem??

The line is always unstable!

It keeps on disconnecting..

Why I have to wait so long for a page to load???

I'm really pek cek with it d!!

Thats why I seldom blogging now..

cause it took me so long to get in to my blog...

GRR!! what to do?? wait lo...unless I don't online.

Well..really hope all my problems can be solved!

If atleast one of them can be solved I'm happy enough d

God please help me..

I'm not a greedy person..

either you help me in my studies..(makes me smarter..lol)

or you make the Internet line go smooth and fast.

Haih..how good if God can listen to me..

or hopefully he can read this blog =P

Okla..is time for me to stop crapping here

gotta sleep early cz tomorrow have morning class =(

Once again..Happy Birthday to Xing Hui

*I love her eyes...they are really pretty*

Boring Sunday

My first Sunday in Kampar for this semester

Its so BORING!

I was in my room for the whole day

except went to the toilet and the fridge to get some drinks

I was too lazy to go out for my meals

So I just ate biscuits for my lunch and dinner

I wanted to do some assignment

but today is the only rest day for me

I wanted to start some revision

but I've totally not in the mood

I wanted to watch some movies

but the Internet line is so unstable

In the end

I just did some housework

and facing my Lappy for the whole day

waiting for the line to be stable

waiting for the page to be loaded

waiting for the MSN to sign in

waiting for the time to pass

...

In fact

I have done nothing today

好人VS坏人

相信所有人都想当好人

因为好人才会有人喜欢

可是为什么又会有坏人

又有多少人喜欢当坏人呢

曾经坏人当过好人

好人对别人都很好

好人很乐意帮助大家

好人处处为别人着想

好人愿意相信别人

好人不想让别人受伤难过反而自己扛起那些悲伤痛苦

好人所做的事情目的只是能够让大家开心

好人希望自己对别人好别人也会对自己好

可是最后，好人却得到什么回报呢

后来好人才发现原来对别人好别人不一定会对你好

帮助大家别人不一定会感激你

信任别人却被背叛

为别人着想却让人觉得烦

当好人实在是太累了

不仅没人感激，反而却受到伤害

久而久之，好人再也无法忍受那些痛苦

于是再也不当好人了

当好人受到无数的伤害与痛苦

渐渐地就变成坏人

坏人其实并不坏，只是比较自私

坏人不会刻意去害人或伤人

他只是想保护自己不再被受到伤害

坏人不介意别人怎么讨厌他或怎么看他

坏人宁愿别人讨厌他，也不要自己受伤

虽然如此，坏人还是有点良心的

如果人不犯他，他也不会犯人

坏人只是以别人怎么对待他去对待人家而已

坏人是很空虚，很寂寞，很可怜的

因为他所做的事情并不是内心真正想要的

坏人也希望别人能理解他的所做所为

都只是因为害怕，想要保护自己才会那么坏

世界上有哪个人喜欢被讨厌的

坏人只是不得已才会扮演这个角色

所以希望大家都可以体谅坏人的苦衷

试着去了解坏人

也许你会发现坏人其实并不是你想象的那么坏而已

害怕

总觉得有一种不安的感觉

真的好害怕。。但又很无助

我害怕焦虑。。我害怕忍受

我害怕受伤。。我害怕难过

我害怕争吵。。我害怕痛苦

我害怕憎恨。。我害怕失去

我害怕不开心的事情会再度发生

我该怎么办。。？

怎么才能让我不安的感觉彻底的消失？

我真的不懂。。谁能告诉我？

Weekends in KL

Finally I had made the decision to follow CK's car back on Thursday evening.

However, I could only spent a short night in Penang.

Friday morning 9am I reach Reuben's place and wait them to get ready for departure.

After we move everything into the car, we departed at almost 10am.

Going to KL took almost a 4 hours journey.

We took our lunch in the R&R and continue to head KL.

The moment we reach Subang Jaya is already 3pm in the afternoon.

Wow, KL's traffic is so terrible at anywhere and anytime.

We were stuck in the traffic for so long.

Luckily I do not stay in KL..if not I really can't stand the traffic here.

By the way, we stay in Hotel Sun Inn.

The hotel is not bad although it is small.

The only thing is it doesn't provide toothpaste and the body shampoo, shampoo and conditioner is the same-.-

Luckily I brought my own towel. I don't dare to use the towel provided. It smells like Maggie Mee@.@

At 5pm we move to Volvo showroom at GlenMarie which is the place we perform.

Supposedly it takes only around half and hour to reach there but we took 1 and the half hours because we keep on taking the wrong road.

The highways in KL are so complicated. We can hardly find our way to the Volvo showroom although it is just opposite us. Besides the traffic congestion is getting even worse as we were moving on the peak hours.

By the time we reach Volvo showroom is already 6.40 while we have to start at 7pm sharp.

Luckily we weren't late but we were really in a hurry.

Anyway, the performance was going fine and finished at 9pm.

After packing our things we went back to Subang Jaya.

Before go back to the hotel we took our dinner in Mamak stall.

And again, the parking was so full and we have to go around many times to search for parking.

About 11 we only get to rest. Everyone was so tired.

On the next day we head to KL central after checking out from the hotel.

We went to Sungei Wang for lunch and shopping.

After 3pm Rebecca and Reuben left Sg Wang while me and Deborah continue our shopping.

I really couldn't resist to buy the clothes here because they are so nice and cheap!!

We took our dinner at Nando's and continue to shop in Sg Wang.

We really can spend a whole day here.

Finally I bought a few dresses, 2 pairs of shoes and 1 pair of slippers.

Reuben and Rebecca came to fetch us at around 10pm after they finished performed.

Then we head our way back to Penang!

相信

曾经我有两位可以分享心事很要好的朋友都让我失望过

而渐渐地，这两位好朋友与我的距离变得越来越远，越来越陌生了。。

如今，我算是失去了两位可以谈心事的好朋友了吧

就因为如此，我再也不敢把自己的心事与朋友分享

我的生活里也不会再出现“好朋友”或“知己”

因为我害怕失望。。我害怕难过。。我更害怕失去

也许是我个人原因吧。。或者也许是事实的转变。。

也许我太敏感了。。也许我小气？

对。。我确实还蛮小气的

虽然有时表面上我可以很无所谓

但心里上我是很介意

因为想维护友情。。介意又怎么能开得了口呢

可是原本的迁就与维护却变成了毁坏

果然我的弱点毁坏了我所拥有的一切

我一直抱着“我以为你会懂”的心态

可是原来你是不懂的

种种不愉快的往事

让我不敢再去相信任何人

就算是再亲密不过的亲人。。

我也不敢百分百的相信他

信任。。就像在赌人格一样

朋友就是你的筹码

赌赢了，友情就能永固

虽然如此就算赢了，随着时间的改变，人也会变！

如果赌输了，不但伤感情，而且会产生恨意

我赌不起，，因为我不想输掉任何一位朋友

所以我选择不完全去信任一个人是有我的苦衷的

好听的说，就是我不想失去

不好听的说，就是我自私

因为我想保护自己避免再度受到伤害

♥Us♥

~Edited By Jane~

Pain Ulcer..Ouch

I had a pain ulcer in my mouth..

and it is on my TOUGUE..

it is really painful..even when I talk I can't really talk properly

I have to eat slowly and carefully..T.T

Haih...hopefully this ulcer could get rid immediately from my tongue if not it is really suffering!

As usual, today went to classes in the morning..

afternoon I was so tired and fall asleep..

I woke up at almost 5.30 while my class is on 6.30..

before class we went to photocopy some notes and luckily we manage to get to school right on time.

The moment we reach the class our classmate told us CLASS CANCEL! =.=

Why didn't the tutor give us the notice earlier so that we don't have to waste our time and energy to go to school..and because of this class i have to force myself get up from bed...errgh!

But luckily today Sim Yee fetch us with her car...so that we don't have to walk so far just for the cancelled class.."thanks Sim Yee" =)

Many of my classmates were discussing for going back to home town as tomorrow we don't have class..(class cancel)

They were talking about going back on Thursday or Friday..

if for Thursday, they can go back earlier but have to skip Friday's Financial Analysis Statement lecture.

Well for me, I will for sure skip Friday's lecture because Reuben they are going to KL in the morning...but I'm wondering about whether to go back tomorrow or stay at Kampar until Friday let Reuben they all fetch me to KL.

If I'm going back I can spend a night in Penang but have to waste RM2o over for bus fare.

Whereas if I stay in Kampar let Reuben come and fetch me I scare it is quite troublesome to them..sigh..till now I still can't make any decision..@.@

How I wish I don't have to go to KL for performance on this Friday so that I could spend more time in Penang...but since I already promised them, I can't back out.

Back and forth

Today took ferry to butterworth then took bus to parit buntar and sit Flora's car to Kampar..

What a tiring day! Anyway..really appreciate Flora for fetching me n Qi Fang..since we could not buy any bus ticket back.

My weekends in Penang was great.

The performance on Sunday was well done..

everything runs smoothly except during the afternoon session in the church..

there were some issues with the priest i guess..but i don't really know whats going on in fact..

I was there only to perform...and we played only a few songs and just a short while..

This is the most relaxed and easiest performance in my life..lol

but we were there sweating like hell..

This is also the 1st time i attended catholic's wedding

it was just simple and meaningful..while the Chinese wedding is bustling with noise and excitement.

Another session is in the Park Royal Hotel. This is the second time i perform here.

We played in the garden for the guest while they are waiting for the dinner to be started.

Again, we were sweating constantly..luckily it last only 1 hour..

After the performance, Mum brought me and Edmund to Nyonnya Breeze for dinner.

Actually i demanded for it..haha

We only get to eat our dinner at 9pm...it was almost supper..i was hungry like hell while waiting for the food to be served.

Well, I always love Nyonnya breeze's food, and my mum as well...

the dishes are always so delicious and taste so nice!!

But one thing is they are a bit expensive...we can't afford to eat there often.

I was so lucky for this semester because I don't have class on Monday!

Besides, my class on Tuesday starts at 2pm...so i can go back on Tuesday morning.

I really love to spend as much as possible of my time in Penang.

Okay..lets see what have i did on Monday..

I went to Redbox with Yu Sheng, Xing Wang and Zhen Xiang in the afternoon.

Some of our friends put us aeroplane again..so left only 4 of us..-.-

Surprisingly 3 of them can sing so well!

After redbox went to Prangin Mall with Edmund and his brother.

We walk to Komtar 2 times until my foot were getting so tired..

Although Komtar has renewed, but it seems like doesn't change much as before.

Except there is a Komtar Walk, where many restaurants located there.

The Pacific in the Komtar is almost the same like others department stores..

I don't really like to shop there...maybe the building still looks old..?

or might well i don't feel the "feel" of a shopping mall or department stores..@.@

Before go back home suddenly i was hunger for Ice Kacang so Edmund brought us to Padang at Dato Keramat. We ate Char Koey Teow, Fried Oyster and ofcourse Ice Kacang which i desired the most. Both Char Koey Teow and Fried Oyster are so tasty. I love the Char Koey Teow,..until now i still can remember the taste...waa..makes my mouth water already..lol

I really hope that every weekend i could go back to Penang...

but this is so impossible..perhaps during the first few weeks still able to do so..

but after week 4 will be busy for assignments and mid terms...sigh!

Besides, everyweek back and forth from Kampar to Penang and from Penang to Kampar is really tiring...ofcourse wasting money too!

But i rather spend to go back Penang as to staying in the boring Kampar..

Haih...I just want to finish my degree faster! So i can leave Kampar FOREVER!!

Holiday mood

Year 3 sem 1 already started a week..

but i still in the holiday mood..

I really don't have the mood to study..

even we have to begin some findings for our assignments..

but i'm so resisted to start the work..SIGH!

Besides, this weekend i came back to Penang as I have to do performance (tomorrow^^)

Spending weekends in Penang is totally a kind of relaxation and amusement

as compare to staying in Kampar..it would become a boring and lifeless weekends..

which i really hate the most-.-

Anyway..yesterday i drove back to Penang..

fetching Qi Fang, Chun Keat and Alan..

Driving on the endless highway in the afternoon is really drowsy

Its really enviable sawing the two guys sleeping soundly behind while i have to concentrate on the road..but what to do? Driver always have to sacrifice..

Luckily Qi Fang didn't fall asleep..at least we could talk a bit..

otherwise I also fall sleep and I would have murdered 3 ppls..lol

Friday night having a rehearsal for the coming performance on Sunday

I only realized there are two performance we have to make..

one is 2pm in a church and another one is 6pm in Park Royal Hotel..

Great..atleast i have more income..(hopefully..^^)

As usual the 4 quartet players-Me, Reuben, Rebecca and Debra are playing for it..

Its been more than a year since the last time i play in the quartet for performance with them..

by the way..i really enjoy it..not because of the income, is because of the nice songs we played..=)

After rehearsal Edmund brought me to Gurney watch movies with his brothers and Han Shern and Six Sense..so dissapointing that the movie was suck...i don't really know whats going on in the movie..and the funny thing is the gangsters caught by the police still able to sing a song together..and the song is so funny! Silly movie=.=''

Wasting money for this movie la..somemore RM10 per person..

Haih...wasted only!

Well..i slept late last night and woke up at 9am this morning

so tired..feel like don't wanna get up from the bed but i have to do so because the rehearsal will starts in an hour..pity Edmund has to wake up and fetch me although this is suppose to be his sleeping hour..=/ ..thx lo dear..hehe

after rehearsal went to McD have our lunch..

Finally i get the free contour glass..and it is PINK! "my favourite"..wohoo! =D

but end up with my stomach going to blast!

Took a nap in the afternoon and woke up watch YouTube videos

i love to watch "how its made"..

it shows the manufacturing of different kind of things..so nice!

Dinner went to eat Lao Fu Zi Bak Kut Teh with mum and Edmund..

I always love and prefer Lao Fu Zi Bak Kut Teh to others Bak Kut Teh..

And again..i was so full!

I wonder why i can't eat much nowadays..

What's happen with my stomach?

I wasn't like this last time..

Don't say i'm on diet-ing..I'M NOT okay!

I really hope i can eat more cz i really love to eat!

But the problem is my stomach is so limited!! I can't eat much!

Is not i want to eat so little..so pls don't say i'm on diet anymore..!

Good Luck and all the best to Edmund for tomorrow's exam...Muacks!

Headache!

Headache Headache HEADACHE!!

Kampar Night Market

Today drove to school...(my first time driving inside UTAR Campus...lol)

luckily I still manage to find a space for parking..

I saw many cars park at the non parking area..

and the management put a notice at the car's mirror stating that the car owner will be fined RM300 for parking anywhere next time..something like that..

but is this the driver's fault?

I think this should be UTAR's fault..

Since the last semester the car park spaces have already so limited

Now came the new batch of students..somemore many of them drive to school

The students keep increasing but yet the car park spaces remain the same..

how can students don't simply park to avoid being late for class..

Pls la UTAR...they charge so expensive for school fees and don't improve the facilities..some more have to fine students for simply parking....*speechless*

Afternoon went to Tesco do some shopping with Qi Fang, Siew Choo and Sim Yee

First time shopping with Qi Fang and Sim Yee..haha

I wonder why Qi Fang didn't buy anything..

For the past semesters she seldom go to Tesco shopping..perhaps never?

but how come she still can survive with only some groceries she brought from Penang without adding any of them.?

I'm so different from her..I must have some biscuits and beverages and especially SNACKS in my room..thats why there are so many things in my room..they are not rubbish..most of them are my FOOD SUPPLY okay!

After the last tutorial class me, Qi Fang and Sim Yee went to the night market.

This is also the first time night market-ing with them..lol

Unsuprisingly..the pasar malam is crowded with STUDENTS

Oh dear..everyone is sweating like hell and we have to push and squeeze with others to move forward..we even need to queue for so long to buy a food..

Everytime I go to pasar malam sure spend a lot 1..atleast RM10 for sure..

but never mind la..once a week only..still okla hor..tomorrow eat lesser lo..haha

this is what i used to humbug myself..=P

About 8 something only reach home and i was so tired

after bath and eat finally get to relax..

but later still have to do some findings for assignments..

Assignments!!@.@...this is only the 2nd day of the semester..

and our lecturers have already brief all the assignments and assign topics to us..

we have to start doing our assignment by now..2nd day of class!1st week of the sem!

I started to feel the stress already T.T

but anyway..if we don't start now sooner or later we still have to do it

by that time we are hundred times more stressful than now!

really hate assignments...arrgh! ><

Sick

I'm sick again =.=

I think i've been cursed..??

cause every time when I came back from Penang, the next day in Kampar i will definitely fall sick..Sigh..!! wonder why i'm so weak..

Today's 2 lectures I can't really pay full attention..

I don't even know what the lecturer is talking during the 2nd lecture management accounting

but i think she has a sense of humour..she tells jokes that are not really funny but yet she can made the students laugh..thats what we called "cold jokes"..lol

Join Qi fang n Zhe Jia for dinner..

I didn't want to eat at 1st cz i don't have appetite at all..

I don't even feel hunger to eat..

But since they ask me wanna join them for dinner..so i jz say OK lo..

And finally i couldn't finish my food-.-

Just right now my house mate Katherine knocked on my door

I saw her holding a piece of cake n pass it to me

then i only found out today is her birthday...

Wish her Happy birthday and thanks to her cake^^

n now i'm eating sambil blogging..hoho..

Well...i think i have to go to bed soon

Hopefully tmr i can get well..

Once again..

Happy Birthday to Katherine and Joycelyn Tan =)